BLOG 3 16 .12.2017
Dear Friends,
I leave for silent retreat with an optimism, gratitude and trust. Because of last years’ events with accidents, illness, darkness, confusion, mother in hospital, and due to the impact on both my physical and energetic health, I was indeed brought to a halt.
Were it not for the amazing singing events I had the priviledge of participating and performing in, 2016 would have been a dark year indeed. Singing for Amma at Alexandra Palance, London and in the Basilica of St Marie-Magdalene in France were the highlights of my year.
Falling , whether it be falling down, falling ill, falling back, falling into, all the fallings, is no accident. For us who are becoming more conscious in each moment. Falling is a lesson. A lesson in deep listening, deep acknowledgement, deep awakening. An awakening to that which resides within, all the time, and yet is hidden behind the masks of our personalities. And yes we know this. Intellectually. Why does life not work out as I want it to? Why does my life not resemble, one iota of what was told it would be, dreamt or believed it to be?
A very short, sharp and true insight came to me this week during my practice :”Life is Karma”. We act out, live out, re-peat, re-do, re-act. Until we don’t anymore. Then life becomes life itself. Just as it is. No more creation of conditions, thus no more karma. That is why it is so important we set about doing good actions, thinking good thoughts, metta for our “enemies” , speaking kind words. It is important that we learn to love and listen to ourselves deeply. So we can do so to others. This way we no longer create any more karmic attachments. By this paradigm shift, we are releasing that which binds us, thread by thread, until all is dissolved and we edge closer into the circle of re-generation, re-newal and a new way of living.
The falling down for me has been an awakening into seeing the karmic conditions of my life, so much so, that when looking back, I cannot see this was me living this life, that this was really my life, The falling down has been a urgent call to TRUST. A very close friend said to me “you don’t trust yourself, you don’t trust others, you don’t trust life, you don’t trust the universe/God”. So since this information and the fallings I am feeling and living the internal alchemy of moving from FEAR to LOVE, from CONTROL to TRUST, and witnessing the fruits of this deep trust.
In October 2016 I began work in my garden, dismantling the shed, greenhouse, clearing extensive borders, to clear the space. New fences were erected, and a major change began happening without. And so within I thus discovered. Debate ensued over what I was going to fill the new space with. A yurt, a rotunda, a garden building, a recording studio an office and art room, a summer house. My brother said “leave it alone, and the space will speak to you”. What a metaphor for my evolution my garden is. Every day I look at the space, I love what it has become. There is more work to do, like planting and landscaping. That’s all do-able. The space is still the space. It silently speaks to me and says: just because you have a space, you do not need to fill it”. So watch this space!
I send you all much love and many blessings.
Mohini
18.1.17 I have read your beautiful post Mohini. Thank you for sharing yourself and your beautiful garden space. I am retreating from many of my usual activities in January and following strong guidance to get my inner and outer house in order, ready for entering the mystery more deep, from a lighter more flight-able self. Looking forward to connecting with you when we can. xxx
Dearest Rose, Thank you so much for your comments. Winter is indeed a time for hibernation and recollection. As as to go back and collect what has been missing or gone. In that quiet space we may discover something new in its simplicity, awaiting our return. Much love, Mohini xxx
Hello My Lovely, Thank you so much for your sharing. I am happy that my words have touched you. The last year has been very dark for so many of us. All over the world. There is darkness everywhere. Remember what is said “the darkness does not know itself. We see the dark only when we are in the light.” (paraphrasing) So we deepen our practice, our meditation our systerhood, so that we can illumine the path for the other, when their’s gets very dark. We uplift each other with song, wisdom, clarity and energy. Together, we stay strong. And also we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and “fall”. There is no going upwards, unless we have fallen. St. Paul said “I die daily”. We die to all the things we do and then they are gone. Each goodbye is a death. Each step we leave behind for the next step. Each breath that is exhaled,never to know if the next in-breath comes. And yes, the shift is imminent. We have see how much is excoriated during our times together as Pilgrims, how much laughter, joy, sadness, grief and anger. To the bone we cry, until we feel the bone hollow. See the space Grainne, and let it speak to you dear soul syster. Hugs and much love. Mohini xx
Thank you so much for the deep wisdom and beauty that you share. In my meditation this morning I felt a longing for silence; your blog reminded me of this. xxx
So glad you are reading the blog – such a natural thing for me to allow this new voice to come through. We are all beacons for each other. Much Love, Mohini xx