BLOG 3 16 .12.2017
I leave for silent retreat with an optimism, gratitude and trust. Because of last years’ events with accidents, illness, darkness, confusion, mother in hospital, and due to the impact on both my physical and energetic health, I was indeed brought to a halt.
Were it not for the amazing singing events I had the priviledge of participating and performing in, 2016 would have been a dark year indeed. Singing for Amma at Alexandra Palance, London and in the Basilica of St Marie-Magdalene in France were the highlights of my year.
Falling , whether it be falling down, falling ill, falling back, falling into, all the fallings, is no accident. For us who are becoming more conscious in each moment. Falling is a lesson. A lesson in deep listening, deep acknowledgement, deep awakening. An awakening to that which resides within, all the time, and yet is hidden behind the masks of our personalities. And yes we know this. Intellectually. Why does life not work out as I want it to? Why does my life not resemble, one iota of what was told it would be, dreamt or believed it to be?
A very short, sharp and true insight came to me this week during my practice :”Life is Karma”. We act out, live out, re-peat, re-do, re-act. Until we don’t anymore. Then life becomes life itself. Just as it is. No more creation of conditions, thus no more karma. That is why it is so important we set about doing good actions, thinking good thoughts, metta for our “enemies” , speaking kind words. It is important that we learn to love and listen to ourselves deeply. So we can do so to others. This way we no longer create any more karmic attachments. By this paradigm shift, we are releasing that which binds us, thread by thread, until all is dissolved and we edge closer into the circle of re-generation, re-newal and a new way of living.
The falling down for me has been an awakening into seeing the karmic conditions of my life, so much so, that when looking back, I cannot see this was me living this life, that this was really my life, The falling down has been a urgent call to TRUST. A very close friend said to me “you don’t trust yourself, you don’t trust others, you don’t trust life, you don’t trust the universe/God”. So since this information and the fallings I am feeling and living the internal alchemy of moving from FEAR to LOVE, from CONTROL to TRUST, and witnessing the fruits of this deep trust.
In October 2016 I began work in my garden, dismantling the shed, greenhouse, clearing extensive borders, to clear the space. New fences were erected, and a major change began happening without. And so within I thus discovered. Debate ensued over what I was going to fill the new space with. A yurt, a rotunda, a garden building, a recording studio an office and art room, a summer house. My brother said “leave it alone, and the space will speak to you”. What a metaphor for my evolution my garden is. Every day I look at the space, I love what it has become. There is more work to do, like planting and landscaping. That’s all do-able. The space is still the space. It silently speaks to me and says: just because you have a space, you do not need to fill it”. So watch this space!
I send you all much love and many blessings.